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Are you triggered when your husband goes quiet or gets into a mood?

Have you ever found yourself feeling anxious or unsettled when your partner becomes unusually quiet or slips into a mood? You're not alone. This response is deeply rooted in our nervous system and past experiences. In this post, we'll explore why these reactions occur, how they are connected to trauma, and practical steps you can take to manage and heal from these feelings.


The Role of the Nervous System

Our nervous system is designed to keep us safe. It's constantly scanning our environment for threats and reacting accordingly. When our partner gets quiet or moody, our nervous system may interpret this as a potential danger, triggering a "fight, flight, or freeze" response. This is especially true if we've experienced similar situations in the past that were harmful or traumatic.


Past Trauma and Emotional Triggers

Trauma can leave a lasting imprint on our nervous system, causing us to react to certain triggers more intensely. If you've experienced abandonment, rejection, or emotional neglect, your partner's silence or moodiness might unconsciously remind you of those painful moments. This can activate a survival response, making you feel anxious, fearful, or even panicked.


Understanding Your Reactions

It's important to recognise that your reactions are valid and rooted in your body's natural defence mechanisms. Here are some common responses and what they might mean:


  1. Anxiety: This often stems from a fear of the unknown or a worry that something is wrong. Your mind races, trying to predict and prevent potential threats.

  2. Anger or Irritation: These emotions can surface when you feel out of control or perceive your partner's behavior as unfair or dismissive.

  3. Withdrawal: You might pull away emotionally or physically, trying to protect yourself from perceived harm.


Steps to Manage and Heal


  1. Self-Awareness: The first step is to become aware of your reactions. Notice what you're feeling and try to identify any underlying fears or past experiences that might be influencing your response.

  2. Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques: Practices like active breathing (for a min of 4 mins) meditation, or grounding exercises will help calm your nervous system. When you feel triggered, take a moment to breathe deeply and remind yourself that you're safe in the present moment & that your partners actions may not be related to you.

  3. Communication: Open and honest communication with your partner is crucial. Share your feelings without blaming or accusing them. Use "I" statements, such as "I feel anxious when things get quiet because it reminds me of past experiences."

  4. Body Energetics Working through the energy blocks in your body can help you process past trauma and develop healthier coping mechanisms so you aren't as triggered when your partner becomes quiet.


Feeling unsettled when your partner gets quiet or moody is a common experience rooted in the nervous system and past trauma. By understanding these responses and taking proactive steps to manage them, you can create a healthier and more resilient relationship. Remember, healing is a journey, and it's okay to seek support along the way.



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